It’s about the client stupid, part III: Worked examples

Writing to and for clients

Read on for a few examples of how not to write, with suggested revisions.

Focus on client interests

Internal focus Client-focus
Responding to the continually evolving and diverging requirements of our clients, we worked hard to establish ourselves as a leading custom investment provider, delivering solutions that meet each of our clients’ unique requirements. We know that your investment needs are unique and constantly evolving.


We provide bespoke solutions designed to meet your individual requirements.

Aside from being shorter and more direct, the rewrite puts the client at the centre. The self-centred and self-congratulatory statement that “we have established ourselves as a leading bespoke investment provider” is omitted in favour of statements that reflect client interests.

Solve their problems

Internal focus Client-focus
The strength of our relationships with clients is built on the frequency and clarity in communicating our investment insights. We work hard for you in order to earn your trust through clear and frequent updates on your investments and our strategy.

Beginning with ‘our relationships’ and ending with ‘our investment insights’ once again reflects a self-absorbed perspective. The suggested rewrite provides more a client-focused sales message.

Focus on a client benefit

Internal focus Client-focus
Advisers should consider our Bottoms Up Property Fund for their clients’ ISA this season. Your clients could benefit from investing in our Bottoms Up Property Fund this ISA season.

The original text lacks immediacy and impact. The suggested rewrite includes a benefit and addresses the reader directly.

Focus on client outcomes

Internal focus Client focus
The US dollar strengthened substantially over the quarter, boosting our performance. The US dollar strengthened substantially over the quarter, which boosted returns for investors.

Again, the self-interested text which focuses on the firm’s performance can be revised to relate it directly to the client and their interests, by focusing on what they gain, not what you or your firm does.

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